Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.
Sometimes (okay, often) I wonder how it is possible that two people who are supposedly the same species can have such a tremendous communication discrepancy.
Allow me to share one of the first B and I had, near the beginning of our relationship:
B: “I’m having dinner with my parents tonight. You can come if you want.”
Me: “Well, do you want me to come?”
B: “Yeah, if you want.”
Let’s take a poll. Do you think I went? No, of course not. I didn’t want to be a bother, tagging along because I wanted to. But, low and behold, the next time I saw his family, they questioned me about why I hadn’t come to dinner the previous weekend. B chimed in with, “Yeah, I invited you!”
“Invited me?” I asked him later in private. “You told me ‘I could come if I wanted to.'”
“I know,” B replied, “I invited you.”
I tried, in vain, to explain to him that “You can come if you want” implies something completely different than “Would you like to come to dinner with my parents?” or “You’re invited to dinner with my parents tonight.” But, alas, he simply could not understand why I didn’t feel adequately summoned.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not bashing on B. As a matter of fact,
I have him very well trained he’s become much better. Now, instead of saying he’ll “stop by in a little bit,” he says he’ll “stop by around 5:30.” Instead of “I could eat,” it’s “I’m not really hungry now, want to wait half an hour?”
I spent the first couple years of our relationship frustrated every time a communication lapse occurred. Now, I do my best to practice my Yoga breaths and remind him, calmly, that I believe I had mentioned it before, or that whatever he said was a bit confusing. Sometimes, though, my calm answers come out, “How the heck was I supposed to know that?!” or “What do you mean, you didn’t do it??”
But then I remember that I cherish my relationship too much to let something like this get in the way.
Bahahaha. I could hardly even type that without laughing. In truth, I view these instances as a glimpse into married life. As a wife/partner, it’s my job to figure out how we can bridge this communication gap, learn from it, and still live happily ever after…
… any ideas?!?