Scroll through my first twenty-ish posts so far, and you’ll notice that I established a routine of heading each entry with a quote. Specifically, a quote about marriage, relationships, etc. (A quote about the theme of my blog! Go figure.) However, I’ve decided this tradition needs to be cut short. I’ve been pretty disappointed with the overwhelmingly negative quotes I’ve been finding on the subject of marriage. Sarcasm, bitterness, and all around anti-matrimony prevail in any Google search for “quotes about marriage” or “marriage quotes”. Some of the most common search returns?
“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” ~ Rita Rudner
“Divorce: The past tense of marriage.” ~ Author unknown
“Valentine’s Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is.” ~ Author unknown
“Three rings of marriage are the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.” ~ Author unknown
“Bigamy is having one husband or wife too many. Monogamy is the same.” ~ Oscar Wilde
“Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.” ~ Author unknown
“I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.” ~ Max Kauffman
“Wedding rings: the world’s smallest handcuffs.” ~ Author unknown
Okay, don’t think I have no sense of humor. But reading these every day while scrolling through looking for a quote applicable to my most recent blog entry was beginning to be quite a downer for a bride-to-be less than three months away from her wedding. I know that there might be some truth to some of the statements. And I know that a marriage needs some humor in it to succeed. But I’m just not sure these “jokes” are what I want my marriage based on. (I found it ironic that so many of these negative thoughts were from unknown authors–maybe somebody would be a little embarrassed if their spouse found out what they were saying behind their back?!)
Here are some of the few I found that I hope someday do describe my marriage:
“What a happy and holy fashion it is that those who love one another should rest on the same pillow.” ~ Nathaniel Hawthorne
“Newlyweds become oldyweds, and oldyweds are the reasons that families work.”
“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” ~ Mignon McLaughlin
“In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage.” ~ Robert Anderson
“There is no such cozy combination as man and wife.” ~ Menander
“In the opinion of the world, marriage ends all, as it does in comedy. The truth is precisely the opposite: it begins all.” ~ Anne Sophie Swetchine
“In a time when nothing is more certain than change, the commitment of two people to one another has become difficult and rare. Yet, by its scarcity, the beauty and value of this exchange have only been enhanced.” ~ Robert Sexton
“There is no substitute for the comfort supplied by the utterly taken-for-granted relationship.” ~ Iris Murdoch
And, lastly, one of my favorite bloggers sums it up well in this letter to her boyfriend (You should really take a second to read the whole letter. It’s adorable.):
“In today’s society people choose a spouse and a have a lawn guy (or a physical trainer or a pool boy) on the side. But you see, I want my cake and wanna eat it too. Sure you are my legal spouse. But people don’t understand that you are also my boytoy. You are the guy that I chose almost one year ago. And you are the guy that I will choose tomorrow. But let’s be honest, we live in a society that says husbands are not the same as being one’s boyfriend.”
~ Katie Bower
I don’t plan to have a stereotypical marriage where I complain because he doesn’t do anything and he feels secretly bitter towards me. I’m sure that nobody goes into a marriage expecting a relationship such as that (or maybe they do?), but from the looks of what society feels is a funny–or even an okay–portrayal of marriage, we have accepted marriage as a constant state of bitterness. Sitcoms, movies, books, magazines–single and free is fun and exciting. Marriage? Blech. Leave it for the bitter old people who are sneaking around behind their spouses backs getting it on with the neighbor’s out-of-town guests.
When B and I decided that we wanted to be together for the rest of our lives, we agreed to enter into a partnership. We agreed to support each other through thick and thin, and to me, that means something.
I was relieved to see a quote in my browsing from the philosopher whom B reads, quotes, and values endlessly:
“Marriage: that I call the will of two to create the one who is more than those who created it.” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche
So, to sum up my incessant ramblings, I will no longer be subscribing to the format I originally created. I will be supporting a positive viewpoint of marriage; one that reinforces the vows I’ll be pledging in 84 days. And, although you might see a quote pop up here and there, I’ll be retiring my Quote Garden bookmark from my Firefox toolbar.